I think loyalty is a process, like a barnacle slowly attaches and grows bigger and harder. Loyalty starts small and keeps growing. But only if it's not injured.
I get what you’re saying about loyalty growing over time, and it's so beautifully and poetically put but I think it only really works when there’s mutual respect holding it up. Otherwise it can start to look less like loyalty and more like obligation or just enduring something that isn’t good for you.
Family is where loyalty can become tricky, because there’s a strong cultural narrative that blood automatically earns loyalty. But respect has to flow both ways for loyalty to stay healthy. If someone, family or not, is consistently disrespectful, dismissive, or harmful, staying loyal to them at the expense of yourself isn’t really loyalty, it’s self abandonment, no? x
Yes absolutely, I know this first hand, with family, too. When I got locked up everyone forgot about all the things I did. But it opens my eyes to who was really on my side
This is exactly how I see it. I wouldn’t have written it like you (of course) but you laid out my philosophy in a mighty satisfying way and with new twists for me to chew on and consider.
I am acutely attuned to the power differential in all my relationships. I never hear anyone talk about it. The best relationships are of equal need/respect. It’s never equal at the same time, it’s always shifting and slipping but over years it averages out. One of the most enjoyable experiences I’ve had over the last 15 years is recognizing my power and using it. I am in relationship with some powerful people as well so that is satisfying. If you don’t negotiate for yourself nobody is going to. That’s the number one rule. You are your own negotiator.
Can I request an example/anecdote to go with your essay. I learn best from examples. I get that you may not want to. Doesn't have to be from your life. Could be a dynamic you witnessed. Not necessary. Just desired.
Got an easy one. Person openly gives to his family, they know what he does for a living, know it’s not legal, but when they need money they always ask. So the person continues to give, because it’s family, they’re loyal to the end. Then the person starts to get tired of people asking for money or help or whatever. When he needs something, everyone’s busy or at work, and it should be ok to this person. The person catches on, stop being so available, now he’s the bad guy, family start talking about him. Then he goes to prison. All of a sudden, it’s drug money, blood money. But they’re still driving around the car he bought them and living in the house he gave the entire down payment for. Then we gets out and needs a hand, everyone has magically disappeared. Except his mom, she’s pretty fuckin awesome. The end
Easy one for you to spit but a hard one for me to digest. Which makes it a really good example. I will be thinking about this for a while. I have not had experiences like that. That would make me think about loyalty a lot. I have had other experiences, I terminated two very intimate friendships. At the time, among the most painful events of my life. Now, not painful. And I have arrived at a very similar understanding as you. Thank you for giving me a story. I learn best that way.
Damn, grandad, this is definitely not what I expected. Non satire, full of proper wisdom?! Damn. That’s why he’s the goat.
Amazing newsletter though. I completely agree with the signals. The language and how they respond to your wins. Those are such big tells. They’re usually subtle, but visible. If you know what you’re looking for, it’s easy to tell.
I've had this my entire life. Now I don't trust anyone anymore. There's always some transaction involved, even though I don't want anything, I'm already ready to hear what others want. It is just a matter of time
It is not about the biggest things. They usually attract this stuff. What bothers me is always about those small things, the company to smoke, the holding of a cup of coffee while you tie your shoes. Those acts of kindness that you do because you can, but when you are at the receiving end, they become commodified. :(
I’m in the middle of a decision that feels exactly like this—what’s the full price of staying, and what’s the full price of leaving.
After 30+ years of loyalty, being offered an early exit because of age stirred a lot… grief, clarity, and a quiet truth: I’m more replaceable than I thought.
I feel like this is such a cloak and dagger experience. So much secrecy. I don’t trust showing my hand because I don’t want it used against me. I know it’s sounds like paranoia but (and) I’ve seen a lot where things come back to bite you in the butt.
That’s my first thought that came to mind. Mistrust.
After a pause, I realize most people don’t get this choice of a golden parachute, then I feel like an ungrateful jerk.
I wholeheartedly agree! To me it absolutely means something, I wish it did for everyone
Loyalty exists. It's just rare. And maybe that's what makes it worth paying full price for. //
I think loyalty is a process, like a barnacle slowly attaches and grows bigger and harder. Loyalty starts small and keeps growing. But only if it's not injured.
I get what you’re saying about loyalty growing over time, and it's so beautifully and poetically put but I think it only really works when there’s mutual respect holding it up. Otherwise it can start to look less like loyalty and more like obligation or just enduring something that isn’t good for you.
Family is where loyalty can become tricky, because there’s a strong cultural narrative that blood automatically earns loyalty. But respect has to flow both ways for loyalty to stay healthy. If someone, family or not, is consistently disrespectful, dismissive, or harmful, staying loyal to them at the expense of yourself isn’t really loyalty, it’s self abandonment, no? x
Yes absolutely, I know this first hand, with family, too. When I got locked up everyone forgot about all the things I did. But it opens my eyes to who was really on my side
1000%. I am so sorry they let you down :( x
It was a blessing. I gave too much and had i not gotten arrested i would've kept giving
"Respect has to flow both ways". This! 100%. Calibrate loyalty to respect. Both given and received. Mutual respect is the ground loyalty can grow in.
I read this. Loyalty is a scarce constant in a world of conditions- untethered to gain, unbound to exchange.
Thank for being so fucking interesting.
This is exactly how I see it. I wouldn’t have written it like you (of course) but you laid out my philosophy in a mighty satisfying way and with new twists for me to chew on and consider.
I am acutely attuned to the power differential in all my relationships. I never hear anyone talk about it. The best relationships are of equal need/respect. It’s never equal at the same time, it’s always shifting and slipping but over years it averages out. One of the most enjoyable experiences I’ve had over the last 15 years is recognizing my power and using it. I am in relationship with some powerful people as well so that is satisfying. If you don’t negotiate for yourself nobody is going to. That’s the number one rule. You are your own negotiator.
Exaclty, I’m glad it resonated, I don’t know what you’re talkin about though, you write rrally well!!
Thank you.
Can I request an example/anecdote to go with your essay. I learn best from examples. I get that you may not want to. Doesn't have to be from your life. Could be a dynamic you witnessed. Not necessary. Just desired.
An example of easy exactly? The thing to look for, a situation where someone got bamboozled. What?
A story about betrayal that maybe could have gone differently if some factors had been recalibrated.
Got an easy one. Person openly gives to his family, they know what he does for a living, know it’s not legal, but when they need money they always ask. So the person continues to give, because it’s family, they’re loyal to the end. Then the person starts to get tired of people asking for money or help or whatever. When he needs something, everyone’s busy or at work, and it should be ok to this person. The person catches on, stop being so available, now he’s the bad guy, family start talking about him. Then he goes to prison. All of a sudden, it’s drug money, blood money. But they’re still driving around the car he bought them and living in the house he gave the entire down payment for. Then we gets out and needs a hand, everyone has magically disappeared. Except his mom, she’s pretty fuckin awesome. The end
I can’t reply now fully but thank you for this. This is very enlightening.
Ahhh I Nintendo
Easy one for you to spit but a hard one for me to digest. Which makes it a really good example. I will be thinking about this for a while. I have not had experiences like that. That would make me think about loyalty a lot. I have had other experiences, I terminated two very intimate friendships. At the time, among the most painful events of my life. Now, not painful. And I have arrived at a very similar understanding as you. Thank you for giving me a story. I learn best that way.
I love this so much
Damn, grandad, this is definitely not what I expected. Non satire, full of proper wisdom?! Damn. That’s why he’s the goat.
Amazing newsletter though. I completely agree with the signals. The language and how they respond to your wins. Those are such big tells. They’re usually subtle, but visible. If you know what you’re looking for, it’s easy to tell.
You’re welcome child
Most of my posts are like this lmao
Perhaps I'm only starting to understand your wisdom 😎
I've had this my entire life. Now I don't trust anyone anymore. There's always some transaction involved, even though I don't want anything, I'm already ready to hear what others want. It is just a matter of time
I've met too many that have been fucked by being loyal. Its horrible that something so pure can be used against you to such a degree.
It is not about the biggest things. They usually attract this stuff. What bothers me is always about those small things, the company to smoke, the holding of a cup of coffee while you tie your shoes. Those acts of kindness that you do because you can, but when you are at the receiving end, they become commodified. :(
compound interest| e x p a n s i v e wealth.♾️
This really landed for me.
I’m in the middle of a decision that feels exactly like this—what’s the full price of staying, and what’s the full price of leaving.
After 30+ years of loyalty, being offered an early exit because of age stirred a lot… grief, clarity, and a quiet truth: I’m more replaceable than I thought.
So now the question isn’t loyalty.
It’s quality of life.
And that’s a different kind of honesty.
I would say whatever you do, make your intentions known. And I wish you the best!
I feel like this is such a cloak and dagger experience. So much secrecy. I don’t trust showing my hand because I don’t want it used against me. I know it’s sounds like paranoia but (and) I’ve seen a lot where things come back to bite you in the butt.
That’s my first thought that came to mind. Mistrust.
After a pause, I realize most people don’t get this choice of a golden parachute, then I feel like an ungrateful jerk.
I’m still processing things.