hey this is about you and you done the HARDEST YARDS and I fucking salute you and stories like this LIGHT ME UP but they make me mad too because its inhumane what was done to you - I've mentored ex cons in the past and the stories - but thats cool eh so long as George Clooney get's to play oceans 11 - one of the ex cons had his script used by Guy Ritchie, it became ROCK N ROLLA that's what happens to the real ex cons - those that done the hard yards - wiped from the record
In all honesty, prison saved my life. So I really can’t complain. Had I kept going the route I was on, not so sure I’d be around. Grateful I was able to leave the life behind me and rebuild myself. Thank you
totally understand and not seeking to diminish BUT the path to goodness isn't only through suffering and I reckon if thee n me spoke privately and you told me your story and I truly listened, I imagine, we'd find, one way or another, that certain things were denied you ........ certain BASIC things that all developing kids NEED and these things aren't always to do with lack ---- but very often it does lead back to that - to a struggle for dignity in a very unbalanced society
I think we are tracking a similar theme but your life sounds like it’s been way more traumatic. Im sorry you’ve been through that. I’m trying to tell my stories with some humour (well my attempt with my limited skill set of comedy lol) - I’ll drop the intro of my memoir I started in a past life and you’ll get an idea / no need to read if not your thing - and I’ll start reading some of hour work / any suggestions as a starting point? (Don’t say the beginning lol / we’ll do say it actually if that’s where to go lol) / sorry this is called real time texting lol
Great part is I don’t view my life as traumatic. Even in the slightest. Despite growing up in one of the worst projects and being a criminal and prison. I never felt like it was bad. Even in prison I had a bunch of fun as crazy as that may sound
fights like that are horrendous fast and brutal - I've seen it. seen that red mist hit - the explosion - and the puking after - its because we need training when young, Thai kids most of 'em, have spent time in the temples before they are even NINE YEARS OLD - they are taught in the temple, to master themselves: this is what is missing - young wolf cubs are taught by the WHOLE pack, the WHOLE extended family, this is also WHAT IS MISSING, kids don't know who they are, or where they come from or their place in the world - and instead of having a pack of protectors, our cubs are surrounded by packs of predators - there are SO MANY EASY fixes to deploy on these things - prison is too late as it were - success stories like this AREN'T THE NORM, you are demonstrating extreme strength of character - and you prevailed and I imagine you are having a really beneficial impact now
some people deserve it - either way - you served your dues -
i wouldnt cope with prison - not with the way my anxiety ecosystem is built on being trapped - unless it was a prison they'd leave the doors unlocked - lol
not at all - I have spinal failure as a consequence of many things and it can be a sort of prison - bit like cancer, you become the disease not the person:: its v difficult for others to support someone whose been in unendurable pain for this many years so life just falls away - once you can't work/walk/drive - I am stranded in a strange place - rural so have become a shut in through circumstance, - you have to re invent and its a tough process to learn to live with undendurable pain and the disabilities that come with that - but I have - and since plucking up the courage to put my work out there - 3 months ago - its been like the hoover dam is rushing through this tiny broken hose of me - 170+ essays published and still sitting on a vast amount of unfinished stuff - my route to wisdom has been beset with suffering and difficulty and being a systems thinker, I am devising routes for others to take a much more beautiful way because I reject the notion that suffering is a school: it of course CAN LEAD to amazing things, suffering, but its NOT THE ONLY WAY
ah fuck man, Im so sorry to hear that. I don't have the wisdom in words to know what to say. But thats a very brave share and a fantastic perspective too. I apologise I don't have something more deserved to say to you after that share. 🙏
ah bless you NO SORRIES NEEDED - I am also a survivor of rapes since v young and fairly brutal domestic violence from a military poseur - at some point all my essays will become a biography - - and it will whistleblow on my thirty years inside the indie feature film scene in the UK - and the ROT at the core of UK /Irish/Scottish establishment
I just realized you were answering someone else @Man With No Name . Kennedy that’s difficult to hear but I’m glad you came out stronger and harder to keep down. Much respect to you.
I had this whole shift in mindset almost 2 years ago— sometimes I hear it called an "awakening"— whatever it is it came with clarity and honestly, finally getting to know myself. It's probably just a mid-life crisis. Haha!
Anyway... There are days I wake up and I don't want to take one step out of my bedroom bc all I want is myself. Isolation and solitude.
I like belonging and community just fine but I crave the peace of just my gosh dang self.
I haven't experienced being isolated for long hours for a few months, but I do know some people have written books while incarcerated. And I guess that's where the modern idea of "monk mode" came from.
The Covid lockdowns weren't torture for me. I got to spend three years in my house and I never felt better. I had a good routine and got a ton of stuff done. I enjoyed it and not having to deal with any other human other than the ones I could turn off with a switch of the computer.
is it a hot take to declare that someone who spent 2 hours in solitary confinement is extremely blessed? that's my story and I'm kind of sticking to it, but not really.
the belonging is built into our conditioning as social creatures. it's part of our biology and also reinforced by society.
there's nothing inherently wrong with that - or with the absence of it. for thousands (millions) of year of human evolution the truth was that if you didn't belong, you died.
but a solitary life is also not something ridiculously uncommon. many people choose that life - hermits, certain religious devotees, etc.
for you to have lived it not necessarily as a conscious choice - and for it to have helped you is divine grace. I've heard it described as everything that happens in your life can serve to help you, but you have to accept that. life does seem like that to me at times.
I agree with most of this. I’ve met a lot of people who prefer a solitary life. The issue is when people try to label those who are different. I don’t believe belonging is part of human biology, there’s no way to measure this. Other than that. What you wrote was petty damn good
Hey man that means a lot. I learned at a young age that I wanted to spend most of my days laughing. I’ve been slacking in the reading and haven’t gotten to your latest pieces bro. But this weekend I’m catching up on everybody’s shit
BRO WTF DID I JUST READ! didn't know you went through all that, you're full of surprises! And crazy that you found a way to feel fulfilled in a situation that usually leads to depression and hallucinations. That must mean you are quite literally BUILT DIFFERENT, no exaggeration.
Really enjoyed your commentary on this - especially the correlation to Socrates. I think the main issue with the belonging (in today's society) is that a lot of people try to use it to heal inner wounds. But it just doesn't work that way, that just leads to co-dependence. The best communities are not people that are exactly alike - but rather people that all have a common goal. People that support each other towards that goal - but don't need each other to feel good (since the pursuit of the goal already gives them their purpose).
You know what that’s actually true I bet, for a lot of people. This is why I don’t care about my story as a story, I care
about it as infrastructure. You will never hear me romanticize the streets and how I grew up, the reason I mention it always has to do with the audit. Thanks for reading man, I enjoy your perspective as usual!
"Uninterrupted access to my own thinking. No social noise to process, no group dynamics to navigate, no performance of self required for an audience. Just the actual contents of my own mind sitting there available for inspection."
That is a valuable experience. I enjoy knowing you could make it possible under those circumstances. I would not want to be alone continuously for such a duration but it is absolutely unimaginable without books or paper and pen. What books do you think about the most? How did you get books? What are your current habits with books?
I do enjoy solitude. I need it for the work I do. I need it to make art. I need it to make sense of things. I need it to self regulate and decompress. I love to love people and so I am in relationships but I need more down time than most people I know. I just might get a heaping helping some day and find its more than I want. Good to stay flexible and to have role models. I will remember how you did it. But I am not doing burpees. I'm just not. Maybe a plank.
The books made all the difference if I’m being real. I think I would’ve managed but the books allow you to escape your world for a little while. I hate burpees more than anyone alive I assure you lol
im also certain this is the free test -when you dont have to enter email or anything at the end - its actually starting to become a global phenomenon -
Two years in those conditions. I genuinely don't know how you did it. This would have broken me from day one. But maybe Socrates was right after all: not beast, but god. Because it takes something above ordinary human fortitude to come out of that sharper. Thank you for sharing this. 🖤
great to read. I've done so many years of solitary; (self imposed) - in one now - the japanese call it a hikikomori? i scored 94/100 - not good.
and burpees - I used to say if you could only do one exercise and only body weight - the burpee has to cover the most muscle groups and systems of the body (i don't know that) - but if i did one now - not sure I'd come back -
What a profound piece on solitude. I don’t think enough people spend time in there (solitude not prison lol). I’m really looking forward to seeing the story about Sammael.
It’s everything interesting to read your perspective of finding clarity in prison. I like to build my own confinement; and it usually requires no external stimulus; just me myself and I.
Hopefully you will expand on the belonging in the book, because that’s quite interesting topic. I think we definitely have an inherent setting to long for belonging. Although that may be true, I’ve found myself not really needing to, like yeah, having community is great, but as long as I got my back, that’s enough too - you feel me? really looking forward to seeing you expand on that topic!
Belonging to me is foreign, because even though I appreciate, and find it interesting, it’s not a necessity. But it’s also not as easy as be yourself. Most people don’t even know themselves that well. I suggest what you mentioned, building your own confinement. Clarity is something few people experience.
You become a divine to yourself, but a beast to others, that's what Socrates meant. His texts usually talks about how others perceive you, because that's exactly what he went through. Anyway, that solitude is something I always wanted to go through, but as you said, the noise around you and the labels you receive become unbearable, and you give in.
I keep wondering how I'd come out of it, and even if I'd be able to in the end.
Thanks for the perspective. I share your values while haven't shared the experience.
brilliant piece i've barely seen a human in 2 years and its led to a creative tsunami
I totally didn’t see this. Thank you so much!! Yeah that’s awesome, means you’re a different breed.
hey this is about you and you done the HARDEST YARDS and I fucking salute you and stories like this LIGHT ME UP but they make me mad too because its inhumane what was done to you - I've mentored ex cons in the past and the stories - but thats cool eh so long as George Clooney get's to play oceans 11 - one of the ex cons had his script used by Guy Ritchie, it became ROCK N ROLLA that's what happens to the real ex cons - those that done the hard yards - wiped from the record
In all honesty, prison saved my life. So I really can’t complain. Had I kept going the route I was on, not so sure I’d be around. Grateful I was able to leave the life behind me and rebuild myself. Thank you
totally understand and not seeking to diminish BUT the path to goodness isn't only through suffering and I reckon if thee n me spoke privately and you told me your story and I truly listened, I imagine, we'd find, one way or another, that certain things were denied you ........ certain BASIC things that all developing kids NEED and these things aren't always to do with lack ---- but very often it does lead back to that - to a struggle for dignity in a very unbalanced society
I think we are tracking a similar theme but your life sounds like it’s been way more traumatic. Im sorry you’ve been through that. I’m trying to tell my stories with some humour (well my attempt with my limited skill set of comedy lol) - I’ll drop the intro of my memoir I started in a past life and you’ll get an idea / no need to read if not your thing - and I’ll start reading some of hour work / any suggestions as a starting point? (Don’t say the beginning lol / we’ll do say it actually if that’s where to go lol) / sorry this is called real time texting lol
Great part is I don’t view my life as traumatic. Even in the slightest. Despite growing up in one of the worst projects and being a criminal and prison. I never felt like it was bad. Even in prison I had a bunch of fun as crazy as that may sound
2 years through personal choice? if you don't mind me asking.
No I was in prison, beat some dude up pretty bad, then I hit him with a stone
fights like that are horrendous fast and brutal - I've seen it. seen that red mist hit - the explosion - and the puking after - its because we need training when young, Thai kids most of 'em, have spent time in the temples before they are even NINE YEARS OLD - they are taught in the temple, to master themselves: this is what is missing - young wolf cubs are taught by the WHOLE pack, the WHOLE extended family, this is also WHAT IS MISSING, kids don't know who they are, or where they come from or their place in the world - and instead of having a pack of protectors, our cubs are surrounded by packs of predators - there are SO MANY EASY fixes to deploy on these things - prison is too late as it were - success stories like this AREN'T THE NORM, you are demonstrating extreme strength of character - and you prevailed and I imagine you are having a really beneficial impact now
some people deserve it - either way - you served your dues -
i wouldnt cope with prison - not with the way my anxiety ecosystem is built on being trapped - unless it was a prison they'd leave the doors unlocked - lol
not at all - I have spinal failure as a consequence of many things and it can be a sort of prison - bit like cancer, you become the disease not the person:: its v difficult for others to support someone whose been in unendurable pain for this many years so life just falls away - once you can't work/walk/drive - I am stranded in a strange place - rural so have become a shut in through circumstance, - you have to re invent and its a tough process to learn to live with undendurable pain and the disabilities that come with that - but I have - and since plucking up the courage to put my work out there - 3 months ago - its been like the hoover dam is rushing through this tiny broken hose of me - 170+ essays published and still sitting on a vast amount of unfinished stuff - my route to wisdom has been beset with suffering and difficulty and being a systems thinker, I am devising routes for others to take a much more beautiful way because I reject the notion that suffering is a school: it of course CAN LEAD to amazing things, suffering, but its NOT THE ONLY WAY
ah fuck man, Im so sorry to hear that. I don't have the wisdom in words to know what to say. But thats a very brave share and a fantastic perspective too. I apologise I don't have something more deserved to say to you after that share. 🙏
ah bless you NO SORRIES NEEDED - I am also a survivor of rapes since v young and fairly brutal domestic violence from a military poseur - at some point all my essays will become a biography - - and it will whistleblow on my thirty years inside the indie feature film scene in the UK - and the ROT at the core of UK /Irish/Scottish establishment
I just realized you were answering someone else @Man With No Name . Kennedy that’s difficult to hear but I’m glad you came out stronger and harder to keep down. Much respect to you.
This is my life story in 1500 words taking out alls the messy darkness for the intro so it’s palatable for the av human - lol
https://adhdguys.substack.com/p/exclusive-my-memoir-whats-it-about?r=143ty1&utm_medium=ios
Gonna read this here in a little while. Thanks for sharing though
https://adhdguys.substack.com/p/exclusive-my-memoir-whats-it-about?r=143ty1&utm_medium=ios
I had this whole shift in mindset almost 2 years ago— sometimes I hear it called an "awakening"— whatever it is it came with clarity and honestly, finally getting to know myself. It's probably just a mid-life crisis. Haha!
Anyway... There are days I wake up and I don't want to take one step out of my bedroom bc all I want is myself. Isolation and solitude.
I like belonging and community just fine but I crave the peace of just my gosh dang self.
I haven't experienced being isolated for long hours for a few months, but I do know some people have written books while incarcerated. And I guess that's where the modern idea of "monk mode" came from.
The Covid lockdowns weren't torture for me. I got to spend three years in my house and I never felt better. I had a good routine and got a ton of stuff done. I enjoyed it and not having to deal with any other human other than the ones I could turn off with a switch of the computer.
This is a fantastic piece, brother. I love it.
Best time of my life
is it a hot take to declare that someone who spent 2 hours in solitary confinement is extremely blessed? that's my story and I'm kind of sticking to it, but not really.
the belonging is built into our conditioning as social creatures. it's part of our biology and also reinforced by society.
there's nothing inherently wrong with that - or with the absence of it. for thousands (millions) of year of human evolution the truth was that if you didn't belong, you died.
but a solitary life is also not something ridiculously uncommon. many people choose that life - hermits, certain religious devotees, etc.
for you to have lived it not necessarily as a conscious choice - and for it to have helped you is divine grace. I've heard it described as everything that happens in your life can serve to help you, but you have to accept that. life does seem like that to me at times.
I agree with most of this. I’ve met a lot of people who prefer a solitary life. The issue is when people try to label those who are different. I don’t believe belonging is part of human biology, there’s no way to measure this. Other than that. What you wrote was petty damn good
yeah baby!
Man it's great that I get to goof around with you on here, and you're the person who's made me laugh the most, by far.
But when shit gets serious, you're also on of my faves. Thanks for sharing this, my man.
You're a real G.
Hey man that means a lot. I learned at a young age that I wanted to spend most of my days laughing. I’ve been slacking in the reading and haven’t gotten to your latest pieces bro. But this weekend I’m catching up on everybody’s shit
BRO WTF DID I JUST READ! didn't know you went through all that, you're full of surprises! And crazy that you found a way to feel fulfilled in a situation that usually leads to depression and hallucinations. That must mean you are quite literally BUILT DIFFERENT, no exaggeration.
Really enjoyed your commentary on this - especially the correlation to Socrates. I think the main issue with the belonging (in today's society) is that a lot of people try to use it to heal inner wounds. But it just doesn't work that way, that just leads to co-dependence. The best communities are not people that are exactly alike - but rather people that all have a common goal. People that support each other towards that goal - but don't need each other to feel good (since the pursuit of the goal already gives them their purpose).
You know what that’s actually true I bet, for a lot of people. This is why I don’t care about my story as a story, I care
about it as infrastructure. You will never hear me romanticize the streets and how I grew up, the reason I mention it always has to do with the audit. Thanks for reading man, I enjoy your perspective as usual!
"Uninterrupted access to my own thinking. No social noise to process, no group dynamics to navigate, no performance of self required for an audience. Just the actual contents of my own mind sitting there available for inspection."
That is a valuable experience. I enjoy knowing you could make it possible under those circumstances. I would not want to be alone continuously for such a duration but it is absolutely unimaginable without books or paper and pen. What books do you think about the most? How did you get books? What are your current habits with books?
I do enjoy solitude. I need it for the work I do. I need it to make art. I need it to make sense of things. I need it to self regulate and decompress. I love to love people and so I am in relationships but I need more down time than most people I know. I just might get a heaping helping some day and find its more than I want. Good to stay flexible and to have role models. I will remember how you did it. But I am not doing burpees. I'm just not. Maybe a plank.
The books made all the difference if I’m being real. I think I would’ve managed but the books allow you to escape your world for a little while. I hate burpees more than anyone alive I assure you lol
im also certain this is the free test -when you dont have to enter email or anything at the end - its actually starting to become a global phenomenon -
https://hikikomori-test.com/
Two years in those conditions. I genuinely don't know how you did it. This would have broken me from day one. But maybe Socrates was right after all: not beast, but god. Because it takes something above ordinary human fortitude to come out of that sharper. Thank you for sharing this. 🖤
Very interesting piece, my friend.
Great work.
Thank you robot sir!.
great to read. I've done so many years of solitary; (self imposed) - in one now - the japanese call it a hikikomori? i scored 94/100 - not good.
and burpees - I used to say if you could only do one exercise and only body weight - the burpee has to cover the most muscle groups and systems of the body (i don't know that) - but if i did one now - not sure I'd come back -
This is very interesting, I’m gonna look this up, thank you for reading!
What a profound piece on solitude. I don’t think enough people spend time in there (solitude not prison lol). I’m really looking forward to seeing the story about Sammael.
It’s everything interesting to read your perspective of finding clarity in prison. I like to build my own confinement; and it usually requires no external stimulus; just me myself and I.
Hopefully you will expand on the belonging in the book, because that’s quite interesting topic. I think we definitely have an inherent setting to long for belonging. Although that may be true, I’ve found myself not really needing to, like yeah, having community is great, but as long as I got my back, that’s enough too - you feel me? really looking forward to seeing you expand on that topic!
Great piece grandad. Thanks for sharing with us 👊
Belonging to me is foreign, because even though I appreciate, and find it interesting, it’s not a necessity. But it’s also not as easy as be yourself. Most people don’t even know themselves that well. I suggest what you mentioned, building your own confinement. Clarity is something few people experience.
Fair point! Still looking forward to the book though 👊😎
I really liked your post. I always felt the more you try to belong and help, the more is asked of you. The price keeps going up.
Yeah I can see that, have seen that. Sometimes saying no is the best route for everyone. It’s easier than it seems. Thank you for reading.
You become a divine to yourself, but a beast to others, that's what Socrates meant. His texts usually talks about how others perceive you, because that's exactly what he went through. Anyway, that solitude is something I always wanted to go through, but as you said, the noise around you and the labels you receive become unbearable, and you give in.
I keep wondering how I'd come out of it, and even if I'd be able to in the end.
Thanks for the perspective. I share your values while haven't shared the experience.
But I feel alone while being around people.
Always appreciate you reading man. And thank you. Real shit
Appreciate you reading, and I’m glad you enjoyed it man!
Likewise bro!!